Ah-hah!

I'm sure you've experienced an "Ah-hah" moment, right?  I love them!  It's like all of a sudden the light turns on and you have this moment of clarity.  And just for that moment, your world feels balanced.  I had that recently and I am trying to hold on to it because I think it could help shift my world view in a very positive way.  Or maybe I mean my self view... because it was about how I've always viewed myself.  For my entire life of 49 1/2 years I have compared myself to others.  It's just the way I've always operated.  Why???   The only explanation I can come up with is that I am the 5th of 6 daughters.  That's right, I grew up with 4 older sisters and 1 younger sister.  I know, I know...my poor dad!  I hear it all the time.  Actually he loved his baby girls and tried his best to make each one of us feel very special and unique, but because I literally looked up to 4 older sisters and was constantly compared by others to my younger sister, it became the most natural thing in the world to compare myself, constantly and in every way to them.  I didn't JUST compare myself to them I mimicked them.  I competed with them.   And I felt victory when I outdid them and absolutely miserable when they outdid me.  So, being second to youngest I remember feeling like a miserable failure quite a bit...until I became a teenager which leveled the playing field.  Then I actually could compete!  Fast forward all of these years and believe it or not the sibling rivalry doesn't quite go away.  I desperately want it to go away and have for years.  But it wasn't until last week after an especially engaged meditation session (my mind was actually quiet for part of it), it came to me - out of the blue, it seemed. My inner voice exclaimed, " I AM NOT COMPARABLE!  I HAVE NEVER BEEN COMPARABLE...Even to my sisters!"  I love the expression, "It's like apples and oranges, you can't compare the two" because upon hearing this you stop trying to compare.  You become satisfied with the differences.    You realize that an apple is an apple and an orange is an orange.  It was with this realization that I stopped this constant comparing in my head...not just to my sisters but to all the women I waste time and energy comparing myself to. I loved realizing on a completely new level that I am unique and not like anyone else and therefore am free of wondering if I stack up or am good enough.  It seems so simple and I should have figured this out long, long ago.  And, in fact I did know it in theory.  Most of us have heard that we are unique and we have our own special qualities - things we are good at and things we are not so good at.  So, we of course, try and get better at those things we are good at.   We are taught this early on from loving parents and teachers who want to boost our self esteems.  But somehow, still,  the notion of competing with and comparing ourselves to others gets ingrained.   For some of us it's ingrained very deeply.  Call it human nature, perhaps?  I'm discovering that with mindfulness practice these kinds of ingrained and unconscious notions are able rise to the surface and once you become aware of them, there's a new kind of clarity which can free you from negative habits and beliefs about yourself that keep you from living fully.   I know I will continue to struggle with comparing myself to others.  But now with this new awareness I am starting to understand how mindfulness practice can start to bring lasting and positive changes to our lives.  

I'm no expert...

The word "expert" in the health and fitness world is a misnomer.  And I say this because of the many certifications that are available to anyone who is willing to pay the fee...and who has a high school diploma or equivalent.    A "certified" fitness trainer is considered an expert in the field but after working in the fitness industry for over 25 years, I am very skeptical if not cynical toward many of the certified "experts" that are out there.  What gives ME the authority to make such a statement.  I'm not exactly sure because I am not certified in the field (I was, but I let it expire).  I do have a BS degree in Kinesiology - the study of human movement -and I've worked as a fitness instructor for 25+ years.  During that time I also coached men's and women's college cross country teams for 10 years.   I created Yogamamas (Yoga for expectant mothers and mothers and babies) and Great Energy (Gentle T'ai Chi designed for Seniors).  Both of my businesses gave me such joy when I saw that what I created had given my clients positive results!   My experience also comes from the fact that I exercise daily and have for most of my life.  And I've learned that the food choices I make play a role in how I feel when I exercise.  No, I don't have a lot of letters behind my name but I do have these real life experiences with a lot of different people, not to mention, myself!    Not that all of it makes me an expert,  but these experiences, along with my education help me know when a "fitness/nutrition expert" may actually be full of nonsense.  Although I did not study nutrition, I did study how the body uses food as fuel.  Thinking of food as fuel really helps to influence my choices about what I want to/should eat.  So, when my sister says to me - "I don't eat bananas.  My trainer told me they make me fat." - I get kind of mad.  I get mad that this so called "trainer" gives my sister false information.  I get mad that my way-too-gullible sister actually believes her trainer over ME!  Here's the facts:  Bananas are fuel!  They provide the best kind of easily digested energy to fuel the body making them a perfect breakfast before a  morning workout.  They have potassium which the body needs during AND after a workout as muscle glycogen stores are replenished.  They are also cheap and in their natural form - no processing required (other than photosynthesis).  I sometimes wonder if the certification business and the protein powder business are in cahoots.  Actually if you've ever seen a P90X video, it's obvious that the statement I just made about being in cahoots is true.  The ads on this particular fitness DVD are for protein bars/powders - both highly processed but with promises to transform your body into that of a super model-beach body god/goddess.   These statements that a highly processed powder/bar can give you your dream body is just as bad as stating that a food makes you fat.   There is absolutely no food that makes a person fat and there is no secret formula to give you the perfect body and the "experts" that go around telling gullible people like my sister these false notions are misusing those letters behind their names.  Because I don't have all of the letters behind my name, I am often not taken seriously so I have considered just jumping through the hoops to get the darn letters so that I will be taken seriously.  But, instead of wasting my money I have decided to just prove it to myself and leave it at that.   Ever since my sister made this bold statement - about bananas making her fat - I've eaten a banana every day.  And as I said in my previous post, I eat whatever I want - every single day.   So 6 years later,  here's the shocker...bananas have not made me fat!   I know that what makes a person fat is choices, but not the choice to eat a banana.  It's the choice to eat mindlessly or absentmindedly.   When you choose to eat mindfully you will make wise choices that make you feel good while giving you the pleasure of eating something that is delicious.  Why waste your time eating any other way?  Life is too short for silly food rules.  Stick to mindful moderation and don't trust the fitness trainer/nutrition expert with a bunch of letters behind his/her name... ;) especially if  he/she tells you that bananas make you fat!.

Mind-body Bookends

So for years now I have practiced some form of mind-body exercise.  First it was Yoga, then about 6 years into my practice of Yoga, I started to learn T'ai Chi.  T'ai Chi is a very different way of moving than Yoga but similar in that they are both mind-body exercises.  So, I was practicing/teaching both Yoga and T'ai Chi in a Pilates studio and I began trading payment for teaching my classes for some personal Pilates sessions.  Pilates is more similar to Yoga than T'ai Chi, but is still very distinct in the way it's practiced.  My instructor insisted on precision!  She was so tough on me - in a good way - and I am so thankful that I learned to perform all of the Pilates exercises correctly, safely and effectively!  It's key when practicing this rigorous core strengthening exercise!  If you get lazy, you could easily throw out your back!  But if you practice correctly with precision, your back just keeps getting stronger and stronger... not to mention your entire core!  So, along with Yoga and T'ai Chi, Pilates is a perfect compliment making all 3 of these the perfect combination for strength, balance flexibility and mindfulness.

 I wanted to start this post out by letting the reader know how serious I am about my mind-body exercises.   They serve as my "bookends" each day and I believe these forms of exercise (moving meditations) that I practice daily help me to naturally live a mindful life, give me great energy for the entire day and  keep my joints, muscles and bones strong and flexible for the more rigorous forms of exercise that I enjoy.    Each morning begins at 5:30 with T'ai Chi.  It gently wakes my body and even if my back or other joints are really stiff, I always feel less pain and stiffness by the time I am finished at 6:00.  After getting my kids off to school I love to exercise!  And I mean a full-on-cardio, hour-long session!  I believe that the T'ai Chi that starts my day gives me great energy for my cardio workout.  Of course, I also eat a good breakfast which includes COFFEE, fruit, nuts and something yummy like toast and peanut butter (or sometimes a chocolate croissant!)  Anyway, after my cardio workout (which is generally a combination of  spinning on the eliptical machine and a run on the treadmill OR a swim) I practice Yoga or Pilates.  I also add in a strength routine twice a week which is in my home, with a stability ball and using my own body weight as resistance.  I like to do this routine before I go to the gym and it generally takes me about 30 minutes.  I absolutely love my routine of cardio workouts that are bookended with T'ai Chi and either Yoga or Pilates.  It's worked so beautifully keeping me in the best shape of my life.  I admit, I am somewhat of an exercise addict.  Many years ago (I'm almost 50) I was a NCAA Division I All-American Cross Country runner and a college coach for 10 years.  It's in my blood to train like a college athlete and I am lucky that it does come easily and naturally to me.  But, I weighed a lot more in the last couple years of college than I do now.  So, being fit and at your ideal weight is not just about working out.  It's about how you eat that's equally if not more important.   I don't like to use the word "diet".  It connotes restrictions and denial.  I pride myself on eating whatever the he#% I want!  But it wasn't always that way for me.   In college I had a coach who pressured his athletes to weigh as little as possible.  The "diets" he tried to put us on didn't work on me and I actually gained weight.  I learned then that if you tell me NOT to eat a particular food because it's going to make me fat, I will want to eat it even more.  So, he told me all of the foods to avoid and I ended up gaining more weight - even with all of the exercise I was doing at the time!   I was at such a competitive level in college that it was not unusual for me to run 70 miles in a week!  I had really done a number on my metabolism.  My body was in starvation mode and held on to every calorie I consumed and most of it was in the form of sugary, starchy processed foods.  Think, white bread and pasta, baked potatoes, donuts, cookies, pizza...  I hadn't yet learned how to combine carbohydrates, proteins and fats to best fuel the body and rev up my metabolism.  It was years later that I became aware of very simple changes which helped me end this horrible cycle of binging and exercising.  Yes, I believe I had a form of bulimia.  The more I ate, the more I exercised, the more I ate, etc.  I decided that I was going to  reset my metabolism but it meant I had to back off the exercise!  And this is where the mind-body exercises REALLY came into play... and took my off of that horrible cycle for good!

I am a mother of 4 and being pregnant was the beginning of my mind-body exercise journey.   I began Yoga shortly after discovering I was pregnant with my first child.  I received a book titled, "Yoga During Pregnancy" (or something close to that) and I immediately began to read and practice the poses.  I devoured the book and it became my bible for the next 8 months and beyond.  I understood how Yoga helped my body during pregnancy, labor and after the birth of my child.  I was calm and relaxed during labor and I was able to give birth naturally - no drugs.  I attribute this to just good genes/luck but also to the mindfulness I learned to achieve with my yoga practice.  The labor pains were awful but I was able to somehow observe them and allow them to help the whole process.  Breathing, of course was key which I had also learned to do effectively with my Yoga practice.

 I realize that I just took off on a tangent.  I tend to do that when I start thinking about how and why I began Yoga in the first place.  Suffice it to say that Yoga helped me give birth naturally to all of my babies and was the key to "getting my body back" after they were born.  Now...on to the original point I was trying to make.

How did these mind-body exercises, over the years, help me to eat mindfully which in turn helped me reset my metabolism and end my unhealthy cycle of exercising/bing-eating and craving a diet of ?highly processed carbohydrates?   The answer is, I'm not exactly sure.  However, I believe, without a doubt, that it is living a more mindful life that leads us away from unhealthy and addictive behaviors. Along with my daily bookends I practice a daily seated meditation.  I used to hate this so much.  I am a mover and this is why Yoga/Tai Chi/Pilates feel so good and natural to me.  But just sitting there!?It's so difficult!   Your mind races and you get so fidgety and you want to scratch an itch or check your phone.  You feel like your wasting time.  It's really horrible!  That is...until you just do it!  And you notice these subtle changes, not unlike what you may experience with the moving meditations.  I believe being still and just breathing is the perfect compliment to the breath-guiding-movements of T'ai Chi, Yoga and Pilates.  There's this synergism that happens and it is transformational.    I trusted these exercises enough to take a break from the cardio workouts for several years when I had babies and toddlers.  I could fit in a Yoga or T'ai Chi practice in at home, during nap time but getting out on a run presented a challenge.  So, I had to trust my body to re-establish a healthy metabolism with much less exercise.   For me I began to naturally know and trust what my body needed to eat.  Luckily, I had always loved vegetables and fruits and luckily, I had always been interested in nutrition.  So, now what my body craved to eat was no longer sugary, starchy carbohydrates that I KNEW were not good for me.   (I have always been one to give in to cravings!) Now my body began craving healthy stuff.   I craved proteins as much as sweets and since I'm a meat eater I started to eat a lot more meat.  I didn't fall for the notion that avocados and nuts were too fatty.  I continued to use olive oil and butter.  I knew that a food close to or in its original form had to be better than the highly processed stuff.  What I didn't stop craving was fat from sources like dairy products. Whole milk became my go-to.  I figured if I was fully satisfied from whole milk, whole milk yogurt, whole milk cheese, gourmet ice cream, etc.  I'd savor each delicious taste and eat less than the fat free versions.  And turns out, I was right.    I feel fortunate to have an almost sixth sense when it comes to what I can eat and still loose weight.  I now weigh 15 pounds less than I did my senior year in college while eating EXACTLY WHAT I WANT!   I just know when to stop, naturally.  I rarely over-eat and when I do, I don't beat myself up...I just know that mindfulness will kick in next time.  I have learned to trust myself and forgive myself and I am able to listen inwardly so much better than when I was younger.   I guess there is something really great about approaching 50.  I've learned how to age gracefully with my bookends.   I feel fit and healthy.    Yes, I am back to those vigorous cardio workouts and I can afford to eat a few more calories to fuel those workouts...but I rely much more on simply being mindful of what my body needs to sustain life each and every day.